Waking up at 2:30 AM to eat before Sehri ends can usually be tiring yet rewarding with the delicious food and mango shake I get to have. Unfortunately, today isn't about mango shake or my food for iftar, but a more significant and essential lesson throughout the first week of Ramadan. Self-reflection was something I struggled with. Questioning my morals, desires and discipline in keeping my fast and whether to thoroughly learn to let go. To let go of my mistakes or my loneliness. I want to change my ways and become something more significant. Waking up with not just a joyous smile but peace and ready to start a day with my gym session was as challenging as doing hypertrophy, which means maximising the volume of muscle cells for my arms to show and build my muscle endurance along with building my core to burn fat and build muscle. Praying after coming back from the gym feels grand and reflective, whether it is Zuhr or Isha, of my faith in Allah swt and questions my discipline as it shows my laziness and lack of consistency, something I always struggle with whether it is writing my journey or taking a risk forward to something greater.

My First Week

My Self Reflection

However, other than my laziness or lack of consistency, it was challenging to overcome my addiction while fasting and created a sense of conflict within myself. A feeling of guilt and anxiety formed from the idea of not living up to my expectations or ever making the same mistakes again. It did not only show my flaws but also my strengths and room for improvement. One of the examples I have noticed is my prayers, as they are the most crucial obligation during Ramadan. It elevates my will and strength more than any gym or boxing workout I used to do. It also calms my mind and gives me a clear goal of what to do to get to the next step. A blissful light that constantly reminds me to always put my faith in Allah SWT and build a stronger deen. Yet, there is room for improvement with my chores and risk-taking. Despite having so many ideas, it is still something I must build upon and focus on being active and productive. Overall, the first week has been unique, with many challenges and foresight as to what I could change myself and my future. It taught me to embrace my own shadows yet become the light that guides me to the path of diligence and happiness.